“Eliza and Her Monsters” – Francesca Zappia

“You found me in a constellation.”
***
“There is a small monster in my brain that controls my doubt. The doubt itself is a stupid thing, without sense or feeling, blind and straining at the end of a long chain. The monster though, is smart. It’s always watching, and when I am completely sure of myself, it unchains the doubt and lets it run wild. even when I know it’s coming, I can’t stop it.”
***
“Broken people don’t hide from their monsters. Broken people let themselves be eaten.”
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“There are monsters in the sea.”
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“Maybe that’s normal. The things you care most about are the ones that leave the biggest holes.”
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“Like life, what gives a story its meaning is the fact that it ends. Our stories have lives of their own—and its up to us to make them mean something.”
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“I’m not normally one to take advice from my fictional characters, but there comes a point in every girl’s life where she reaches a crossroads: a night alone with her sweatpants and her favorite television show, or a party with real, live, breathing people.”
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“Disappearing is an art form, and I am its queen.”
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“She drew so many monsters that she became a monster herself.”
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“I made Monstrous Sea because it’s the story I wanted. I wanted a story like it, and I couldn’t find one, so I created it myself.”
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“I learned years ago that it’s okay to do this. To seek out small spaces for me, to stop and imagine myself alone. People are too much sometimes. Friends, acquaintances, enemies, strangers. It doesn’t matter; they all crowd. Even if they’re all the way across the room, they crowd. I take a moment of silence and think:
I am here. I am okay.”
***
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“How can I want something so badly but become so paralyzed every time I think about taking it?”
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“Creating art is a lonely task, which is why we introverts revel in it, but when we have fans looming over us, it becomes loneliness of a different sort. We become cage animals watched by zoo-goers, expected to perform lest the crowd grow bored or angry. It’s not always bad. Sometimes we do well, and the cage feels more like a pedestal”
***
“Real people don’t have concise character arcs.”
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“That computer is my rabbit hole; the internet is my wonderland. I am only allowed to fall into it when it doesn’t matter if I get lost.”
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“If I like a book, I devour it in one sitting, and then I forget a lot. It’s fine with me, because I read them over and over again.”
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